Poopless Meals

Most of the time, pooping is fabulous. Come on, admit it. If you don't believe me, don't eat enough for about a month.

That said, (too much, you say?) sometimes, it's incredibly inconvenient. The privacy of your own home is one thing, but public space adds a new dimension. I'm sure everyone has a funny poop story from a trip, tournament or the office. So here's the idea - say your about to go work for 12 hrs straight, in the middle of nowhere, outside, in the dead of winter. What do to? Poopless meals.

I'm going to hire a scientist to determine what people can eat that will provide maximum calories and satiate hunger, while minimizing the amount you poop. I'll package them as frozen dinners with some cute brand name like Minipoo or Tinyturd or NoNo.2. They will be colour coded - just eat the red box for breakfast and the blue box for lunch, and voila!

Not healthy, you say? It would be less healthy that eating normal food, I grant you that. But you should see what these rigpigs eat! They will eat anything, I swear. I would be like HungryMan, Hot 'n' Ready and Triple Bacon Burgers - who eats those? Ew. Yet they sell. If they don't approve it in Canada, it would fly in the States for sure.

Look for them at a supermarket near you. Don't hez-itate. Buy today!

Coming soon: the multihelmet