Malicious Content My Ass

My friend Sharron Cuthrie* tried to access my blog via Facebook the other day. Apparently she was denied "due to malicious content". Inappropriate, sure, but malicious? Arising from malice? The desire to cause pain, injury, or distress to another? Fuck you Facebook. Or is it Blogger? Either way, I've never said a bad word about anyone, you insensitive pricks.

I decided to these accusations After all, I'm now 156 posts in to my blog, so I don't remember most of them. This is the best that I could come up with:

• Penis and Vagina Pasta. Still one of the most searched phrases (to reach my blog). Who searches for 'vagina pasta' in Google? Lots of people. Seriously. Google Analytics tells me so. Sickos.


• Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End. I admit, I called this movie "rubbish", but I think chances are Johnny Depp has moved on, brushing aside the scathing review.


• Inventions: the Fuck Off! bug spray. This may be malicious towards mosquitoes. I have yet to be added as a friend on Facebook by any mosquitoes yet, so I should be okay there.


• Merry Christmas!: Perhaps this post is malicious to those who don't celebrate Christmas? I did say Merry Christmas everybody. Everybody even includes people with body odour and people who don't give up their seat on the bus to old people. In fact I'm all for people with body odour who don't give up their seat on the bus to old people.


• I Am Shit: Self-malicious? Maybe.
• The Diet Continues: While this is a blog about industrial strength laxative, I would argue that I got the worse part of this deal. I had painful stomach cramps all night, and couldn't leave my apartment. You could have stopped reading at any time.
• The Alphabet Blog: I did say ficus, and that's foul language. How rude.
• Creepy Old Dude: Whatever. He started it.
• Going to Florida - NE Sectionals: I did call Starbucks 'bastards'. This must be it. Starbucks own the world, don't they? They must have blocked me.

In conclusion, I wish to formally apologize to any groups or individuals I may have offended. Just to cover my bases, sorry to pastas of normal shape, Johnny Depp, mosquitoes, everybody, people who have body odour, people who don't give their seat to old people on the bus, myself, anyone who had to read about my industrial strength laxative experience, people offended by not-so foul language, creepy old dudes and Starbucks.
*name altered to protect true identity.